Showing posts with label marsha. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marsha. Show all posts

Friday, November 07, 2008

"Obama? Carino"

L'America che non vota

"Il nuovo presidente? E' un mulatto carino"

Libero, venerdì 7 novembre 2008

di Mauro Suttora

«He looks kinda nice, though…»: con l’indifferenza di chi viene solo annoiata dalla politica, la mia ex fidanzata americana Marsha commenta l’elezione di Obama. «Però è carino»: è questo il giudizio più profondo che riesco a strapparle sul suo nuovo presidente.

Marsha, 34 anni, ex modella, stilista in erba, vive a Manhattan e in questi giorni ha ben altro a cui pensare: sta organizzando la sua prima sfilata d’autunno nel Connecticut. Sono passato a salutarla per Halloween, e lei mi ha portato nelle tre feste cui era invitata quella sera. Ora sta con uno del cinema («Un cameraman: sei come Julia Roberts», la prendo in giro), ma lui è a Los Angeles e lei continua a vivere sola nel monolocale «alcova» di un grattacielo dell’Upper East Side.
«Alcova» non ha niente di lussurioso: semplicemente, a New York chiamano così i monolocali con la pianta a elle, che permettono il «lusso» di non vedere subito il letto dalla porta d’entrata.

Marsha non ha mai votato in vita sua. Come quattro statunitensi adulti su dieci se ne frega allegramente della politica.
«Ma questo è un voto storico, no?», obietto.
«E perché?»
«Un nero, per la prima volta…»
«Veramente non è un nero vero, sua madre era bianca, no?»
«Vabbè, un mulatto, ma è proprio questa la grandezza dell’America».
«Grandezza, grandezza… Sei sempre innamorato dell’America, eh, Mauro?» Marsha mi ha sempre accusato di essermi messo con lei per questo, e non perché fossi innamorato di lei.
«Beh, non capita tutti i giorni che il figlio di un pastore di capre del Kenya e di una signorina del Kansas incontrata per caso a Honolulu diventi l’uomo più potente del mondo».
«Anch’io sono un miscuglio pazzesco, Mauro: un quarto irlandese, un quarto tedesca, un quarto italiana, solo un quarto americana di due generazioni».
«Obama è cresciuto in Indonesia, poi alle Hawaii, poi università a Los Angeles, New York, Boston… Sta a Chicago ma ha una nonnastra a Nairobi e una sorellastra a Giakarta. Non eri tu che lamenti sempre quanto siano provinciali i tuoi compatrioti, che otto su dieci non sono mai stati all’estero. Ecco Obama, un cittadino del mondo!»
«Come on, io sono nata a Filadelfia, università a Nashville e Firenze, abito a New York, ho lavorato a Roma, mio padre sta in Florida, mia mamma in New Jersey e le mie sorelle dall’altra parte del continente, in California e a Seattle. Tutti gli americani sono dei “bastardi” vagabondi».
«Quindi non voti neppure questa volta?»
«Troppa fatica. Non sono neanche registrata. Non saprei da dove cominciare. E poi troppe code, io ho da fare».
«Però eri bushiana».
«Ha fatto bene a combattere quei maledetti terroristi».
«Saddam non era di Al Qaeda».
«Che noia, Mauro. Ricominciamo?»
«Ammetti almeno che la guerra in Iraq è stata un errore».
«Boh. Tu, piuttosto, vai sempre a quelle cose contro la pena di morte? Ti ricordi?» (Incontrai Marsha cinque anni fa a un concerto all’Onu contro le esecuzioni capitali).
«Certo, e mi ricordo anche la tua opinione al riguardo: “Chi la fa l’aspetti, se uccidi è giusto che ti uccidano”…»
«Lo penso sempre, my dear».
«Incredibile che una donna fine e coltivata come te, laureata con tesi su Derrida, sia rimasta alla legge del taglione».
«Mauro, è Halloween, non litighiamo: let’s have fun, divertiamoci».

In realtà Marsha di questi tempi non si diverte molto: mi ha confessato di essere in rosso di 15 mila dollari con la sua carta di credito: «Passo il tempo a ristrutturare, rifinanziare e rinegoziare il mio debito. Se al mio prossimo trunk show [vendita privata di vestiti, ndr] non vendo abbastanza, non so neppure se mi conviene continuare a pagare duemila dollari al mese d’affitto qui a Manhattan. Dovrò trasferirmi a Brooklyn, o condividere un appartamento».

Facciamo il giro delle sue tre feste di Halloween. All’ultima, in una discoteca sulla Quinta Avenue, appena entrato corro nei bagni per la pipì. Mi ritrovo in una calca enorme, circondato da ragazze alte e bellissime. Penso di essermi sbagliato, forse ho bevuto troppo. «Ma è il bagno delle donne?», domando alla mia bionda vicina. «No, but we share», mi sorride lei, alitandomi alcol sul viso da cinque centimetri. No, ma condividiamo. L’era Obama è iniziata, ci sarà anche la crisi. Ma New York è sempre New York.

Mauro Suttora

Friday, May 30, 2008

No sex, siamo in the City

DA SPARARSI

Un italiano a Manhattan: le americane godono solo con lo shopping. Da oggi nei cinema 'Sex in the City'

Libero, 30 maggio 2008

di Mauro Suttora

«Scusa Mauro, questo tuo articolo è ben scritto e divertente, ma non pubblichiamo vendette private. E poi parole come "frigidità" e "clitoride" rimangono ancora off limits per noi».

Così il vicedirettore del settimanale Newsweek bocciò una delle column che avevo scritto per loro. Era il 2004. Come sempre d’estate a New York faceva un caldo umido brutale, e io ero disperato perché la mia fidanzata americana mi aveva mollato. Di colpo, con un'e-mail. Non voleva più vedermi, né sentirmi al telefono. Eliminato senza discussioni dopo tre mesi di amore (un periodo medio-lungo, per i ritmi nevrastenici di Manhattan).
Mi sembrava di essere improvvisamente piombato dentro una puntata di "Sex and the City". Anche perché la mia Liza, trentenne imperiosa dai lunghi capelli lisci e tacchi a spillo, assomigliava a quelle quattro. Anzi, ne era la fusione: sexy come Samantha, dolce come Charlotte, abrasiva come Miranda, brillante come Carrie. E drogata di shopping come tutt'e quattro.

Per due notti dormii poco, per tre giorni mangiai pochissimo. Mentre andavo a lavorare alla Rizzoli, sulla 57esima Strada, mi veniva da vomitare per i miasmi provenienti dai ristoranti cinesi. Poi, avendo il triplo degli anni di un adolescente, vidi il lato comico della tragedia. E cominciai a scrivere. Da allora non ho più smesso. E sono diventato uno dei massimi esperti mondiali di quella inimitabile specie animale che sono le donne di Manhattan. Ho perfino scritto un libro su di loro: «No Sex in the City» (Cairo, 2a edizione 2007).

Cestinandomi l'articolo il caporedattore di Newsweek mi fornì un consiglio prezioso: «Perché non lo proponi al New York Observer? Quelli sì che lo apprezzerebbero». L'Observer: il settimanale in carta rosa dei radical-chic newyorkesi. Sessantamila copie vendute quasi tutte nell'Upper East Side, dove vivono i miliardari, e d'estate negli Hamptons, dove i Rockefeller e i Vanderbilt svacanzano sempre assieme, in gregge, fin dai tempi di Francis Scott Fitzgerald e del Grande Gatsby.

Quattro cose sono rimaste uguali da quei clamorosi anni Venti: il colore assurdamente giallo canarino e verde smeraldo dei vestiti estivi, le donne ridanciane e vogliose di parties, le auto veloci e il tasso alcolico.

Manhattan è, dopo la Carnia, il posto al mondo dove si beve di più. Per un motivo semplice: quando si smette non occorre prendere l’auto per tornare a casa, basta gettarsi in un taxi o in un vagone del metrò. Ma anche perché le donne di Sex and the City hanno bisogno di un bicchiere per cominciare a parlare, del secondo per sorridere e del terzo per disinibirsi. Al quarto però crollano, quindi la «finestra di opportunità» (come la chiamano gli americani, in marketinghese) per noi maschietti è molto stretta.

All’Observer sono stati felici di pubblicare il mio articolo, in cui descrivevo da entomologo la frigidità della mia apparentemente sexyssima (pantaloni aderenti color leopardo) ma in realtà anoressica e anorgasmica Liza, e la tendenza sua e di tante newyorkesi (statistiche alla mano) a soddisfarsi da sole, accarezzandosi il (la?) clitoride. Infatti il motto delle femmine di Sex and the City è: «Perché accontentarsi di un uomo, quando si può avere un intero dito (il proprio)?»

Sia chiaro: come tutti gli italiani, ero e continuo a essere perdutamente innamorato dell’America e di New. Ma un conto è divertirsi osservando le traversie delle quattro smandrappate di Sex and…, un conto è viverci dentro. Un inferno.

Liza (ma poi anche Marsha, mia fidanzata per un anno) smetteva di lavorare alle sei, e mi invitava a qualche «evento»: un aperitivo, l’inaugurazione di un negozio, la vernice di una galleria d’arte, la presentazione di un libro. Poi il ristorante. Le «ragazze» di Manhattan (si fanno pateticamente chiamare «girls» anche a 50 anni) si atteggiano a superfemministe, ma accettano svelte il conto pagato dal maschio. Dappertutto: dal cocktail al ristorante, dal taxi alla discoteca. Se poi gli lasci la tua carta di credito in un negozio di scarpe, borse o vestiti, ti sposano subito.

Tornavamo a casa dal Soho Club (di moda quattro anni fa) dopo mezzanotte. In taxi ci baciavamo, lei era focosa, ma arrivati su si lanciava sotto la doccia. Io la aspettavo speranzoso a letto. Però alla fine mi diceva: «Sono distrutta. Dormiamo, dai».

Al mattino di svegliava alle sei. Si metteva la tuta, le scarpe da ginnastica, e scendeva a far jogging a Central Park. Se pioveva o faceva troppo freddo o caldo, tapis roulant in palestra. Tornava a casa accaldata, rossa in viso, sensualissima. Io ero pronto, ma lei mi sgusciava via: doccia. E dopo era ormai «troppo tardi, devo correre al lavoro». Usciva di casa alle otto senza aver fatto neppure colazione: comprava un bicchierone sotto da Starbucks, e se lo portava in metro.

«Sono stressata, ho bisogno di relax», mi diceva per giustificare questa sua riluttanza all’accoppiamento. Io cercavo di spiegarle che il sesso serve appunto a rilassarsi. Ma lei non capiva: per gli americani il sesso è una specie di ginnastica, un’ulteriore attività pratica che si aggiunge alle tante altre. E in caso di problemi c’è sempre una guida che in 12 step li risolve.

Si rilassava nei wek-end, questo sì. Quindi facevamo regolarmente l’amore al sabato. «Come gli svizzeri», le ho detto. «Adoro il cioccolato svizzero», ha risposto, ignara del mio sarcasmo. Nonostante le scollature e il leopardume, a letto era più fredda del monte Bianco. «Non vengo mai la prima volta», mi disse Liza dopo un deludente debutto. Aspettai con trepidazione la seconda volta, e mi diedi un sacco da fare. Niente. «Vengo raramente», annunciò distrattamente. «Ma mi piace anche così», precisò subito, per non fare la figura della «loser», la perdente.

Ecco, questo è il vero Sex nella city. Certo, non si può generalizzare. New York resta la capitale del mondo gaudente, e ha il più alto tasso di single del pianeta. Quindi a letto ci si arriva facilmente. Ma è sul materasso che cominciano i dolori. Perché Carrie e amiche raggiungono molto più facilmente la soddisfazione comprando sandali Manolo Blahnik (la mia Liza preferiva il negozio Jimmy Choo di Madison Avenue, da me soprannominato «dai 200 ($) in su»). No Sex in the City.

Mauro Suttora

Friday, May 16, 2008

Mauro of Manhattan

New York Observer

April 29, 2008

by Mauro Suttora

“Why do you keep replying, ‘Thank you, but we already have plans for that evening,’ Marsha, when you know we’re free?”
“It’s just an excuse, Mauro. I just want to avoid an invitation by boring people.”
“Yes, but it sounds too … How can I say? Grandiose to me. In Italy we don’t make plans. I mean, not normal people. The government, maybe, sometimes. At least they boast it, to impress voters and pretend they are in charge. But ordinary people …”
“We are not ordinary. We’re supposed to have plans in our life. They can’t invite us like that, on the snatch, impromptu, with only a few days’ notice.”
Marsha, my Upper East Side girlfriend, can’t understand how Italians can survive always improvising—without inviting, nor making theater reservations or booking restaurants one month in advance.
“Come on, Marsha, don’t play it big. Don’t act precious. If one of my Italian friends calls us to go out on that same evening, we don’t have to invent ‘plans’ for fear of showing that our life is empty. You know we love to spend most of our evenings here, sitting in front of the TV. Actually, upgrading our cable TV menu has flooded us with wonderful movies, and improved my English, although it has almost killed our social life…”
“That was your idea.”
“No, no, no, darling, my idea was just to replace a crummy old little TV set with something civilized.”
“Yes, but then you invaded our sitting room with a monster, this humongous 42 inches plasma. Where the hell am I supposed to place food and beverage for our next parties?”
“Actually, I haven’t finished yet.”
“I know. Don’t come up with that again. No way. Don’t get me started on your freaking sound system with wires all over the place. Don’t even raise the subject.”
“But Marsha, that’s the normal consequence of buying a large-screen TV. What do we make of it, if the sound is not comparable to the vision, at the same excellence level?”
“It’s already stereo.”
“We’re talking ‘home cinema’ here, milady. … ‘Dolby Surround system.’ Remember the private screening we were invited to by the Italian distributor of Woody Allen’s Scoop in his luxurious Palazzo Borghese apartment in Rome?”
“Gee, but that was another planet. They are professionals, that’s their field. We are not movie geeks. Come on.”
“I just saw a five channels 400 dollars sound system in the store near my Rizzoli Bookstore office, on 57th Street.”
“I told you: I don’t want any of your ‘surround’ sound around here. Not that I don’t appreciate your will for improvement, but the only thing I’ll be surrounded by will be wires. See this? They’re already mushrooming all over: the TV cable, the connection to the DVD, the wire for the pay-TV box, the high-speed Internet, the telephone ... There’s such an intricated bush under the plasma screen. It was supposed to save room, but now it’s invading us.”
“It’s wireless.”
“What?”
“Yes, wireless.”
“You mean the five speakers come without wires?”
“Yeah … kind of.”
“Kind of what? The last time we had something wireless around, it was that pirate neighbor of us who stole from our wi-max, getting connected for free and making us pay for his all-night porno browsing and wanderings around the Net.”
“We discovered that almost immediately.”
“Yes, after some wonderful astronomical bills … You don’t like flat rates, do you?”
“The sound system is almost totally wireless, Marsha, I swear.”
“What do you mean ‘almost’? ‘Almost totally’ sounds sooo Italian. Like ‘Almost pregnant’.”
“The rear speakers are wireless.”
“You mean two out of five.”
“Yes ... But that’s the crucial problem we have overcome here, Marsha. Three speakers stay on the wall in front, connected by small threads we can easily disguise along the baseboard. And on this side of the room, behind the sofa, we place the other three pieces.”
“Three? Why one more? For a total of six speakers?”
“One is just a little box getting the radio signal from the other side, and distributing it to the rear speakers.”
“And that horrible big thing you showed me, what’s its name?”
“The bass subwoofer?”
“It’s too big. Where are we going to place it?”
“Did you prefer the old way, when all the speakers where huge?”
“At least they were only two, not six.”
“I love you, Marsha.”
“You stress me, Mauro. Do we have plans for tonight?”
“…”
“Don’t …”
“…”
“Come on, don’t start and touch me, I have to shower, been working all day.”
“I llloove your sexy smell.”
“I know what your plans are, regarding me. They are always the same, when we sit alone on the sofa. You only have sex in your mind.”
“I do have plans for you. I always have plans. I am a natural-born planner, my love. I wouldn’t have ventured in Iraq without a plan, like your president did, my sweet bushie …”

Mauro Suttora

wiki

Monday, April 11, 2005

Complete catalogue of Manhattan asses

The New York Observer
Mauro Suttora
April 11, 2005
“Hey, Marsha, read this: The Italian Supreme Court has given 14 months to a guy who bottom-pinched a young woman while she was calling from a phone booth in the Friuli region!”
My Upper East Side girlfriend raises her left eyebrow without smiling: “No wonder …. You come from there, don’t you?”
“Well, it’s a civilized region, no Mafia, hard workers. But this is an incredibly harsh sentence, it’s the first time that some jerks equate ass-touching to violence. It’s a total novelty for us! I guess the impact of this decision will be felt by buttocks all over our sunny peninsula …. "
“Don’t be sarcastic, I bet the pig totally deserved it.”
“Well, it’s a real revolution for Italy. The first one since Benito Mussolini invented fascism after First World War.”
I swear: I never pinch unknowns, nor I get pinched. I dread physical contact of any kind between strangers, unless they are adults, willing, introduced. And protected. That’s how germs travel. But these judges drive me crazy.
“So, Marsha, tell me: How many years of prison should we give rapists, if we are punishing aggressive caressing with more than one year? How much worse is rape than pinching? One hundred times?”
“Yes …. “
“So are Italian judges giving life sentences to rapists? No way. They keep giving 10 or 20 years. There’s no proportion!”
Bottom-pinching has suddenly turned into the least cost-effective way to get pleasure for a man (or a woman) in Italy. Imagine: one year and two months behind bars for just one second of a mere tactile passing satisfaction, involving only the fingertips of one hand.
Of course, we all know there are many different ways of going into it. I ignore the details of the historical and hysterical Friuli ruling, but I hope at least that the judges’ draconian severity was justified by the length of the contact. Or maybe by the use of both hands simultaneously: That would have made a spectacular grip.
I am sure our bon vivant premier Silvio Berlusconi would have been much more lenient with the unlucky pervert. First of all because, like half Italians, should he be forced into groping, he’d certainly prefer other body parts. He would go straight for the breast, the California governor’s way, more than for the back. 
His three television channels have been advocating big tits in the past quarter century, totally subverting the previous 20 years of anorexic fad, and recuperating the healthy tradition established by Sophia Loren and la Lollobrigida in the roaring 50’s.
Notwithstanding his TV brainwashing, our country remains evenly divided between bosom and bottom lovers. Our current main movie star, Monica Bellucci, climbed to fame thanks to a memorable mute scene of her promenading her legendary behind in Giuseppe Tornatore’s movie Malena. No words were needed for her presence on the screen.
Another recent movie which tackled the problem of sexual harassment in contemporary Italy is Under the Tuscan Sun. Diane Lane, starring in it, gets overwhelmed by Italian men as soon as she arrives in Rome. Now, I have to warn American tourists that reality in our streets is much duller. As a matter of fact, although Mrs. Lane would have deserved some punishment for cheating on husband Richard Gere in her previous movie Unfaithful, she gets less action in Trastevere than in Soho.
So, it’s all clichés? I’d say so. The only escape for today’s groper is doing it in an environment so crowded to reduce risks to the minimum. Subways and buses at peak time, for example, deploying what we call mano morta (“wandering hand”), which can always be excused as an involuntary contact. Although being restrained by education or fear doesn’t mean that my countrymen have canceled their centuries-old fetish for the lower back.
Fame, in any case, travels: “But I thought you were Italian … ,” whispered to me once a disappointed American woman (not Marsha, I swear) after we kissed standing, without my gentleman’s hands touching her where she was hoping. “You were supposed to sweep me away!” Go tell those Italian judges, lady. They are becoming so P.C. they might be American.
Italian philosopher Massimo Fini, in his Erotic Di(ction)ary, has listed more than a dozen different types of bottoms. According to him, “we can detect someone’s personality just by looking at his/her gluteus.”
But he goes more deeply than that. He turns anthropological: “Men, as we all know, are divided in two categories: the ones who love the breast (bosomen) and the ones who prefer the ass (bottomen). The first ones generally belong to coarse cultures, not so shrewd, childishly pragmatic, primitive, matriarchal, strongly tied to the woman-mother image and in any case too young for having had the time to develop adequate speculative skills. Bosomen are, for example, the Americans. Europe, the cradle of civilization, is on the contrary bottoman. Venus, the goddess of love and beauty, was surnamed ‘Callipygian’ from the Greek kallopygos (kallos, beautiful + pyge, buttock), and was born together with philosophy and mathematics. For a reason: because the ass is in the first place a metaphysical category. It possesses the geometrical perfection of abstract figures. Its form is similar to the sphere, which is the perfect geometrical concept. But it surpasses it, because it has something that the sphere lacks: symmetry. Like the sphere, it’s an object at the same time finite and infinite. And, because it is curved, the ass is very near to the essence of the truth (‘Every truth is curved,’ said Friedrich Nietzsche).”
This precious Massimo Fini’s book was written in 2000: well before the manifesto of the Bush-era intelligentsia, Of Paradise and Power, the neocon Bible in which Robert Kagan confirms that Europeans are from Venus and Americans from some other unfortunate cold, reddish and ass-less planet.
Mr. Fini goes on explaining: “Encapsulated in the ass, there lies the enigma of the relationship finite/infinite, space/time, which after all is the enigma of the whole universe. It’s no coincidence that Salvador Dali, when asked how he imagined the universe, replied: ‘As a four buttocks continuum.’ How this worrying apothegm, so charged with symbolic meanings, was dropped to the end of men’s back and, even worse, women’s, is a mystery. But here comes again the great ambiguity of the ass: being not human for the perfection of its proportions, it is at the same time very human. Because perfection is inherently blank, inexpressive, while the bottom is the body’s most eloquent part. The ass signals not only somebody’s character, but also his/her belonging to a particular class of people.”
So, with the help of my friend Massimo Fini, I have been trying to come up with a Manhattan ass map. We have, first of all, the typical Upper East Side ass, which I know all too well (it’s Marsha’s): cautious and stingy, with narrow apples, like usually in Italy the Tuscans have. 
The East Village behind on the contrary is trustworthy and hopeful: round, fat and with slightly open buttocks. The midtown is an aggressive one: firm and massive like a mountain range. Around Murray Hill, Beekman Place and Tudor City you find the volitive ass, small and muscular: And it doesn’t belong only to U.N. functionaries, diplomats and their spouses.
The Upper West Side is of course the conversational ass: elastic and malleable. Carnegie Hill can boast the noble one: high, long and with a small relief. Working-class asses (low and large) are unfortunately rare in Manhattan, but a few survive in the Lower East Side. The City Hall behind is unavoidably bureaucratic: fat and shapeless. 
Around Washington Heights the proletarian ass is large and high, while in Park Avenue you sometimes get the military one: narrow and muscular. Wall Street offers petty and fearful asses, which are skinny without being bony; from Hell’s Kitchen up to Columbus Circle and Lincoln Center you get the indifferent ass, small and curled up; the Village’s ass is usually laughing (large and flat); but the West Village one comes rather naughty: round, with a step and quivering. 
And in the end we have the submissive ass, which I couldn’t find any particular geographical liaison to. It’s the one which shows two tender folds between the buttocks and the thighs, and is round without being excessive. This is the real ass. The ass of asses. Because it possesses at the maximum level the two main features which are typical of each and every ass: defenselessness and ridicule (“The cheerful impotence of the bum,” described it Jean-Paul Sartre, another philosopher in the field).
Yes, the ass is helpless, because it can’t see: It can only be seen. It is harmless because it doesn’t have corners. It is defenseless because it doesn’t have brawn: Anybody can outrage it. It is naked and exposed because it’s hairless. And above all it is funny, like all things big but clumsily coward, maintains Massimo Fini, the maximum ass expert on our planet (neocons are from Mars).
Due to this marriage of powerlessness and foolishness, our behinds are the body part most relished by sadists. Nothing gets beaten up as much as the ass. Or at least pinched. But we have to say that it almost always does things to deserve it. It provokes: “Sometimes it shows up with an air of false innocence, some other time with impertinence, often times with arrogance, and a few times it even isolates itself, it doesn’t let on, pretending to ignore being an ass,” complains Massimo (whom at this point we can nickname ‘”My-ass-imo”).
All these attitudes draw an adequate punishment. Which the ass, after a first token resistance, seems to accept eagerly, as it bends, protrudes, opens, offers itself. Let’s confess: The ass is deeply, intimately masochist.
But the real reason behind the Italian behind-pinching penchant is that in the ass we find the ultimate element attracting the sadist: perfection. It is perfection which triggers the desire for profanation. Only things perfect merit to get damaged, violated, reviled (“A**hole!”) in order to downgrade them into imperfect ones. This is, also, the utmost demonstration of the enormous superiority of the ass on the breast. Breasts get caressed, fondled, pampered; at the worst you kindly nibble a nipple. Only a pervert would pinch them less than gently. But this is just to console them for their insignificance, for their being only breasts. While in the perfection of the ass lies a devilish pride which has to be brought down. 
The ass has become so omnipotent that in the U.S. it is nowadays widely and wildly used as a comprehensive synonym for pleasure: It stands for words such as sex, action, excitement, girls, boys, fun, quick love, cheap romance. “Let’s grab some ass tonight” is the most common single sentence used in contemporary American campuses. I learned this while reading I Am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe, the one and only novel I understand President George Bush junior has been enjoying recently.
So we can jail all ass-grabbers of the world as much as we want, and give them disproportionate penalties, but we’ll never be able to kill the will to touch down there. The maximum we can achieve is to inhibit it: for our behinds are too precious and glamorous not to be pinched, after all.
Mauro Suttora